You want me to do WHAT??

So, I went to the doctor today for an ailment that I've had for far too long and was asked to give not only one but 5 stool samples, all in a different form or fashion. I was like "oh come on, can't they just take my blood"?? Well, duh they did take my blood and bruised the hell out of my arm, took some urine (no biggie) but for the love of shame, don't make me do THAT!! So on top of the shame of the procedures, I can't eat Red Meat for two days straight, I can't eat raw veggies and apparently lettuce is my diet.
Then I realized, the older you get; the more invasive the procedures get to find the underlying problem. So, I will go through the bunny rabbit diet for two days straight and go through the nonsense of the other mess and I will probably never ever say "I have a lump in my breast" .